⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

☀︎ BEFORE A REALM REBORN ☀︎

☀︎ A REALM REBORN ☀︎

He started his career as an adventurer a couple of years before the fateful meeting with Thancred that would change his life beyond anything he could ever have imagined. Up until then, it had been difficult, to say the least, but entirely unremarkable among the many other hopefuls. His soft heart often let people get away with not paying him or working him harder than agreed to in the contract and despite his skills in combat, his lack of confidence made it harder to find a solid crew he could rely on, for better paying jobs that he could not dream of tackling on his own.Working alongside the Scions was a mixed blessing in those early days. To begin with, he felt much like an outsider with its core members all having long histories with each other. He still struggled a lot with his confidence and feeling like he was often missing half of any given conversation with the Scions made it even harder to speak up and he grew accustomed to feeling like they simply knew better and he was there only as hired muscle, never mind about feeling self-conscious over his slight stutter and nervousness about speaking in the company of more than one person. But over time, as he shook off the beginnings of a crush, at the very least, Thancred became a friendly, welcoming face among the Scions, as did the other recruits.But, in wanting to belong, he often let slide the way Alphinaud spoke of him and to him, in favour of the swell of pride upon hearing others mention how much Alphinaud relied and trusted him and eagerly let himself get yanked around in Alphinaud's quest to ingratiate the Crystal Braves among the city states. When it all came crashing down however, the thought of abandoning Alphinaud to his fate did not even cross his mind.

☀︎ HEAVENSWARD ☀︎

Dealing with the shaking of the already fragile ground he'd been standing on, was not easy. Though he was usually not the type who would dwell overlong on the past or what-ifs, this time, he could not help but wonder if things would have gone as bad as they did, if he had not let Alphinaud push him around. Especially, as they had lost friends and allies and the stability of their base in Mor Dhona in the process and the guilt of it weighed on his mind.While exploring his new surroundings in Ishgard, he stumbled on a slouched figure in the Brume, bearing a greatsword. Though from the strange angle of his head, he assumed the person was dead, but as he reached out to check, he noticed a job stone lying on the ground near him. When he picked it up, the man spoke up, calling himself Fray and offered to train him. Soon enough however, he got a glimpse of the truth of Fray's nature and this frightened him deeply. As guilty as he felt, as used as he felt, he did not want to believe of himself that he might resent it, when, at his core, he truly just wanted to help people. He thought of chucking the job stone into the chasm surrounding Ishgard, but something in him stayed his hand and instead he tucked it away out of sight among his meagre possessions, out of sight, for now.In hopes of finding a way to halt the oncoming invasion by the Horde before it even began, he set out with Alphinaud and Estinien, in search of Ysayle. He had met her previously, under less than ideal circumstances, but even so, he could not help but find himself drawn to her, as someone also blessed by Hydaelyn and who seemingly understood a lot more about it than he did.As they travelled together, Ysayle's caring nature and eagerness to share in his burden, as someone also immune to the tempering influences of the Primals, touched him deeply. But their time together was all too brief. When chasing after Thordan, their airship was beset upon a Garlean battleship, which Ysayle intercepted, allowing the Enterprise Exelsior make its escape, but at the cost of her own life. After losing Haurchefant, having another sacrifice their life for his was a harsh blow. It hurt all the more as he had truly felt that, in Ysayle, he'd found a friend, a kindred spirit, he had longed for for so long. All the more, because he could not say goodbye to her.When a group calling themselves the Warriors of Darkness showed up during the search for the missing Scions, he could not hold back his curiosity, despite his irritation over being beaten to the punch in dealing with a Primal, something he did not think he'd ever feel this annoyed about before. But through the Echo, he had seen that there was more to them than they'd let on. And in watching their leader fight he felt a spark he dared not name.However, this feeling was quickly buried when reconnecting with Thancred in the aftermath. As he spoke of Minfilia's fate during their escape, he could see something in Thancred's eyes and jaw shift, though only for the briefest moment before Thancred once again turned on his more casual affect. Thancred had been his closest friend among the Scions, upon him first joining and he did not hold what Lahabrea had done to him against Thancred in the slightest. But that flash of anger chilled him to his core.Whatever annoyance he'd built up over subsequent meetings with the Warriors of Darkness - as he could not understand why they were so intent on thwarting him when seemingly their goals were aligned - quickly drained from him upon learning of the circumstances that had put them on this path, replaced by heartache, for having done everything right, and still having the worst come about in the end. He felt a similar tug as he had upon his first meeting with Ysayle, the sense that they were not so different at their core. That maybe under other circumstances, they could have been friends, maybe with more time on their side, they could all have found a better way to save their home. He watched Arbert watch his friends disappear from his side when Minfilia agreed to take them all back to the First, looking tired, but perhaps a touch relieved. Suddenly Arbert turned his gaze back to him and after a second of hesitation, closed the distance between them. Clapping him on the shoulder, Arbert looked him in the eyes and urged him to find a better path. And smiled.In that brief moment, he felt as if he could see a glimpse of the man Arbert had been in his life before. He would not forget that smile.

☀︎ STORMBLOOD ☀︎

The decision to aid Lyse in her desire to free Ala Mhigo from the imperial yoke, had come easily to him. Even if, once again, he had been out of the loop, as the others had seemingly already guessed at Yda's identity, he did not feel a sense of betrayal that Lyse had not revealed her secret to him earlier, as he had not had much of a chance to speak with Yda in the first place. But in the wake of Papalymo's death and Lyse now having to find her own way in the world, as herself, he wanted to get to know who Lyse was.And though he knew he wanted to help in some grand way, he struggled for a true purpose beyond that vague goal, this, at last, felt different. While his own homeland was far away, but he hoped that perhaps in aiding others in a similar situation, he might eventually be able to do the same for Dalmasca.

☀︎ SHADOWBRINGERS ☀︎

As he grew closer to Lyse and Alisaie through their travels together and no longer felt like he was grasping desperately for friendship, the ache, the missing connection with Arbert had caused, lessened too. But he still found his thoughts turning to the other warrior on occasion, wondering what had become of him or what the First was like.He did not think that he would ever find out.Opening his eyes to an expanse of purple flora was breathtaking, even with the unsettling sky filled with a blinding light. Finding the room, that had been prepared for him haunted, by Ardbert - who sheepishly admitted to having used a false name at the Source - was an even bigger surprise.Ardbert's initial wariness gave way fairly quickly and he readily responded in kind. As he had sought out the Scions - his friends - he had been struck by the realisation that he had once again fallen out of step with them, since time passed at a different rate than it did at home and they had years' worth of a head start on what was happening in the First and histories with each other that he had not been privy to. Despite his relief upon finding them alive and well, he relished his late-night talks with Ardbert, where he did not constantly feel like he was missing an important piece of a puzzle or could not speak up, because he had not been there. And while Ardbert could not say much more about the mysterious Crystal Exarch or the Crystarium itself than he already knew, he was eager to hear Ardbert's recollections of the First before the Flood.There was a nagging worry in the back of his mind, from the very first Lightwarden he slew, that there was something wrong. At first, it was easy to discard these thoughts - the headaches could be put down to stress, his insomnia to adrenaline, the strange droning he could hear in the dead of night when the world had fallen silent could just have been his imagination. But when he ended up keeled over, vomiting nothing but Light, these symptoms could no longer be ignored and it terrified him.For the first time in years, he reached for the job stone he had hidden away and to the dead man he had got it from.But something else happened that night, too. Ardbert had been with him when the nausea hit him hard and instinctively reached out to catch him. Instead of his hands passing through him, as they did with everything else, Ardbert managed to grab a hold of him. Though startled by this unexpected contact at first, it brought them even closer than before.He started feeling almost giddy with anticipation when he'd retire to his room for the evening. And during his ample free time - he had not paid much attention to it to begin with, but he started to wonder if this was something deliberate, as the Exarch wanted to see his reaction to absorbing the Light - as he helped with small tasks around the Crystarium or wandered beyond the city bounds. Ardbert would often join him. In the city, they could not talk much, but while wandering Lakeland, there were scant few people who'd pay him any mind as he seemingly talked to no one but himself. But either way, this companionship was more than welcome.In the time he spent getting to know the First and its people, he grew to love that world, as much as he loved his own, and in turn that eased his worries about his ever worsening illness. He wanted to do this for them, he wanted to do this for Ardbert and if that meant dying so that the First could be saved, it was a price he was willing to pay.It took him much longer to realise how deeply he'd fallen for Ardbert. It wasn't until helping to put down the Cardinal Virtue, who had once, long ago, been Lamitt, and had the nature of his own feelings, that had steadily been growing through the time he'd spent together with Ardbert, spelled out for him through the power of the Echo. For a brief moment, he'd considered keeping this realisation to himself, but spurred on by the euphoria of everyone coming together to build a giant talos to reach the top of Mt. Gulg, it tumbled out of him anyway.And when Ardbert kissed him back, he could almost believe that there was a way that everything would work out somehow, in the end.Ardbert stayed firmly by his side, even when his body could no longer contain the Light and he followed Emet-Selch's invitation down to the ocean floor, into Amaurot. And before the last shreds of control he had before the Light took over his body could unravel completely, Ardbert gave him the strength to hold on to it and take down Emet-Selch, through the merging of their souls.

☀︎ AFTER SHADOWBRINGERS ☀︎

In the wake of merging his soul with Ardbert's, he felt stronger and healthier than he had in a long time, the constant fatigue and nausea brought about by the light corruption having vanished without a trace. Even though he could no longer see or directly speak to Ardbert, he could feel that Ardbert was there with him, a solid warm presence in his soul, still distinct from his own. And so, he tried his best to swallow his grief and focus on the love and relief bleeding through the connection between their souls.Elidibus showing up wearing Ardbert's body shattered what little peace of mind he had managed to hold on to.Of course, he had known from the first moment he had laid eyes on the other man, that it could not have been Ardbert miraculously returned to life. But seeing Ardbert in the flesh was a painful reminder of what he could not have. And, worst of all, he could not help the foolish hope that wormed its way into his heart, that perhaps he could reach Elidibus and find a way to restore Ardbert's soul to his own body. That perhaps there could still be a future for them, a life of shared adventure.His grief and hesitation nearly cost him his life, as Elidibus sought to take measure of him and in dragging out the fight in his reluctance to bring his all to bear, he gave Elidibus an opening to knock him off his feet and lost the grip on his axe in the process. It was a push to move, godsdammit, that did not stem from his own desire to do so, which forced him to dodge a final, devastating blow and a timely intervention from Y'shtola that caused Elidibus to back off, for the time being, satisfied in having gained the upper hand.A sense of worry permeated his very being after this close call and even though he could not hear Ardbert say as much, he knew that Ardbert would not want him to throw his life away. That, and the promise extracted by Cyella in the dead of night, with a tremor in her voice from the barely held back anger at what was being done to her dearest friend's body, finally gave him the resolve to put an end to this gruesome charade.When he confronted Elidibus again, he was determined not to stay his hand, even if the Ascian was wearing the face of someone he loved deeply. And Elidibus, having nearly killed him twice before, did not expect the unrelenting onslaught or the way the added aetheric density of merging his soul with another's had bolstered his own not inconsiderable strength.Finally having forced Elidibus on the back foot, the Ascian made a last ditch effort to escape, hoping to use the Crystal Tower as a conduit, unaware of its true nature, which allowed the Crystal Exarch to permanently bind Elidibus' soul to the tower.But, in that moment, all he could think of instead was Ardbert's body, now freed from Ascian influence, but once again limp and lifeless without it. Bereft of the focus the promise he had made to Cyella had given him, the grief washed over him like a tidal wave and the hope he had had for their future washed out with it.The Exarch, for his part, still had one last surprise up his sleeve. In the many sleepless nights spent trying to devise a safe return of the Scions, alongside Beq Lugg, he had hypothesised that with the Warrior of Light serving much like a vessel to house Ardbert's soul and Ardbert's body returned to a living state through creation magicks, it might be possible reunite these two parts once more.Unable to make any concrete promises of it working, the Exarch offered to guide him through the process of channeling Ardbert's soul into the body Elidibus left behind, which, in the end, had been remarkably similar to the way he had given a semblance of life to another ghost, years ago. He had taken up his axe once more after his fight against Emet-Selch, but in that moment, it felt fitting to return once more to the principles he had learnt in the frigid cold of Coerthas. He hoped that Ardbert could feel through their souls how much he wanted this and hoped even more desperately that Ardbert felt the same. And for the briefest moment, he could have sworn that Ardbert had reached back to him, just before the connection between them severed.The joy he felt, when Ardbert opened his eyes, was beyond comparison.Pulling out a part of his soul was not entirely without consequences however. While the Light did not return in full force, he felt its familiar effects. Alisaie's treatment helped stave off the worst of his nausea and fatigue, at least for the time being, though it did little to help with his very being feeling out of balance with a part of it now missing. But he could scarce pay it any mind with the weight of Ardbert's hand in his.Still, he was unsure how to bring up that he wanted Ardbert to come with him to the Source, especially knowing his own time in the First was coming to an end, at least for now. For Ardbert, this was barely a decision at all, having long since made up his mind when it came to the Warrior of Light.

☀︎ ENDWALKER ☀︎

With Ardbert by his side, now truly alive once more, not a ghost, unseen and unheard by all but him, he could almost forget what he'd just been through. But as the threat of a world ending loomed over the Source, the pressure was slowly building, chipping away at his armour.Never before had he felt so many eyes on him, some looking to him for hope, others with wariness, as his reputation as a hero mingled with rumours of him as the very image of unrelenting violence.Never before had he felt like such a danger to those he cared about, just with his mere presence.The twins being held hostage in order to keep him in line had been the first true blow. Zenos taking control over his body - luckily held back from injuring anyone by Ardbert, who had spotted that something was wrong right away - had sent him spiralling. Finding out that killing Zodiark may have doomed not just the Source, but all its remaining reflections alongside it, nearly undid him.But there was no time to dwell on any of it. He had to keep moving forward, for the people and the world that he loved so dearly.Alongside the Scions, he pursued the source of the Final Days to the very edge of the universe, where after sacrifice, joyous reunions and a foolish impulse that sent the rest of the Scions - except Ardbert, who earlier had stuffed his own transporter into Alisaie's hands after knockback had sent her skidding painfully across the ground - back to the Ragnarok, Endsinger was defeated and the full scope of Final Days averted.Talking to Meteion in the aftermath, his sense of relief was overpowering. But in this place, where thoughts and wishes shaped much of reality, this proved dangerous. When he was pulled out of his distracted state, he had lost sight of Ardbert and Meteion completely nor could he get a sense of any possible direction they could have headed. Instead, he was found by Zenos, desperate for a fight he had not been willing to indulge. And exhausted and worn thin, haunted by people seeing him as an instrument of violence, he was not willing to entertain Zenos with one still. As he turned away, Zenos took a swing at him, perhaps expecting him to dodge or parry the move, but instead, the blade of his scythe cut deep into his side.Worried that Zenos could find the Ragnarok and take out any frustration he had on his friends, he grit his teeth and in a desperate bid, called upon his dark knight abilities, which had begun to bleed into his usual fighting style, to keep him upright long enough to put an end to Zenos.When Ardbert found him, he was already dead.Clutching his now lifeless body in his arms, Ardbert had whispered desperate pleas for him not to leave him alone in the world. And this strange place, at the edge of reality, had granted this wish - dynamis stitched together the wound on his side, returned the breath to his lungs and made his heart beat once again.

☀︎ AFTER ENDWALKER ☀︎

Seeing everyone's the relief upon his return, he did not want to cause any further worry, especially to Alisaie, who had spent much of their return trip crying and yelling at him and refusing to leave his side even for a moment and trying to find words to describe how his near-loss had made her feel only to dissolve into sobs once again, which broke his heart into pieces.He tried to put his best foot forward, wanted to enjoy the celebrations after the Ragnarok's safe return, wished he could share in the joy of those he loved, but in his mind, he kept returning to the cold, as he bled out from a wound that had not even left a scar behind, and the terrifying feeling of being truly alone somewhere no one could find him.Ardbert was his solace then, as the only other person who knew what had truly happened to him and the one he trusted the most in this, or any, world. And knowing that Ardbert had been shaken by his death and craved his reassurance as much as he craved Ardbert's in return, made it all the more easier to hide in what had become their shared apartment together when the outside world got to be too much, pressed together, making promises in the dark and reminding each other of their presence, of their being alive at all.And as the social pressures lessened as life returned to normal, slowly but surely, his fears became lighter and more easier to bear too.In the weeks following the Scions of the Seventh Dawn officially disbanding, Tataru deemed their continued presence in Mor Dhona to be unhelpful for keeping up appearances and revealed that she had arranged a small house by the sea, tucked away in a small village in La Noscea for them. Despite hoping that the others wouldn't have noticed, it was no secret to his friends that he had missed much of the festivities following the ending of the Final Days and when they showed up to help the two of them get set up in their new home, they also took the opportunity to bring the party to him in a smaller, more comfortable scale. Warmed by the presence of his friends and their love and care for him, he did not think about the cold even once.It still took time before he was quite ready to brave the wider world again. And in the absence of a world-ending crisis knocking on their doorstep, to provide a distraction, Ardbert, too, had days of feeling lost and missing his friends so much it hurt. But there was comfort in not having to figure out how to deal with it by their lonesome and joy in finally being able to talk about a future together, that had felt so out of reach not too long ago.